Thanksgiving & Other Holiday Survival Tips: Making Memories You’ll Want To Keep

Many of us who look forward to spending time with family and friends. Still, and especially in today’s climate, with every socio-economic-political-religious trigger imaginable, managing holiday gatherings with family and friends can be challenging. Whether you're a fan of the holidays or making obligatory appearances, here are some easy ways to navigate and enjoy them.
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​Choose a holiday perspective that serves you. Although not readily apparent, most of us head into holiday gatherings with last year’s expectations of how it will be. We have “proof,” we say, pointing to past antics and activities. Our sense of how it will be, however, is a function of our own perspectives and expectations. It’s like the old adage: If you always do what you always did, then you’ll always get what you always got.

Don't be hijacked by your story of "the way it is." This season, ask yourself, what’s the perspective I want to have (about today, or any other holiday gathering)? How do you want the day to go? We know we can't control others, but we can choose to react or behave differently in the face of the same ole thing. One client recently chose as her holiday perspective “connection and fun.” That’s what she wants. And that perspective will guide her actions.  What do you want? Pick a positive perspective based on what’s matters to you and let it guide your actions. 

Listen to others. Find the person that you think has the least opportunity to be heard — an older relative, someone who lives alone — and go spend a few minutes talking with them. Or just sitting with them. Give them the gift of your listening and attention. 

Be a resource. Share a recent enjoyable experience — a museum, restaurant, show. (Here’s one for my fellow New Yorkers: There’s a great exhibit at Cooper Hewitt, called the Immersion Room, where you can design a “square” on what looks like a table-sized iPad. There’s a “go live” button that projects your “square” onto the walls of the Immersion Room effectively papering the walls with your design. Meditative and creative. If you live in the NYC area, ask someone if they’ve seen it. If you haven’t seen it, ask them to go. And, check out my new favorite coffee shop across the street, Bluestone Lane.

Share something personal about yourself or your kids or friends --  an accomplishment, recent travel, and upcoming vacation. Share your photos. Ask them to share theirs. 

Talk TV, books, movies or music. Ok, this should be obvious, but give yourself a rest from the news today, unless it’s a heart-warming story about a baby or a pet. My boyfriend and one of his daughters are pop-culture freaks and while I can’t quite keep up with them, his parents are avid readers, and TV/movie watchers. We enjoy recapping scenes or story lines. If TV isn’t your thing, then share what you’ve seen, heard or read lately. Whatever it is, it’ll ensure a much better experience than talking about the news, even if you’re with likeminded folks.

Take Five. There’s tons of science on this. Take a break. Whether it’s a five-minute walk around the block for some fresh air, or three minutes of mindful breathing somewhere in private, it will shift whatever is going on in that moment. If you’re bored or feel like tensions are starting to run high, give yourself some respite from the fray.  

Phone A Friend. If you’ve traveled to spend several days with family, you might need a different kind of support. Tag someone ahead of time to be your “sanity savior” and check in with them as needed. Or call someone you know would really love hearing from you. 2 minutes. No one will notice you’re missing. 

Set a time limit. If you’re dreading an obligatory visit for the afternoon or day, decide in advance how long you want to stay. If you’re hosting, decide what time you want everyone out of the house. And then stick to it. We’re making memories. We want them to be good ones. 

Root for any team. Football is a great way to connect about something you enjoy even if your team isn’t playing. 

Help out. Especially if the gathering is large, it can be overwhelming. Someone in my family used to say, “Go make yourself useful!” Which is a great suggestion. There’s always setting up and cleaning up that people need help with. The kitchen is a great place to hide out in if there’s a conversation going on that you really don’t want to be a part of. Plus you may meet other likeminded avoiders in the kitchen for smaller, more intimate conversations. 

Be compassionate with yourself. Holidays remind us of loved ones who are no longer with us. Following my sister’s death in 2013, I learned that sadness is a measure of my love and, on days like today, I let that love blanket me. I am compassionate with myself in the same way I would be with someone else.  Please do the same for yourself.
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Wishing everyone a peaceful, kind and connected holiday season.



OVER TO YOU 

How do you navigate the holidays?


What approaches work best for you?